7/30

(Alex, or 11 hours)

1.

Rugby ears

Strong arms

I saw these things first,

Alex.

Or,

For a so-called nice girl,

A crazy thing to do.

2.

Alex,

Anti-trust lawyer.

Whatever that means.

(It means you work for the bad guys.)

You talk Oxford

Northern tongue

(It should all have been bullshit,

For some reason

It wasn’t.)

I said,

Unemployed, shiny new Masters degree.

(It means I’m broke.)

You said we’re a poor match,

I said there’s no room in here

(Circling gesture around my heart)

For your kind,

Don’t worry.

You got wide eyes,

Laughing.

(I was smiling too,

Does that help?)

You grinned,

Said you’re back to London,

Night after next.

I cut you off there,

Couldn’t hide another smile behind my glass.

3.

At some point

You read me every beer off the menu

In excellent (or so it sounded)

German

You lilted –

You Americans and your one language.

I rolled my eyes, Valley Girl.

4.

At some point

You were talking jazz

Country music on long drives

Asked me about books

(I know what you want to hear.)

I say Graham Greene

The Corrections

You moaned,

Franzen!

Oh, Midwest America bullshit.

(We are both being

Pretentious.)

Did I almost kiss you then?

You ask me, suddenly,

If I have hobbies.

(Who asks that?)

I laugh and laugh,

Feel a little bad,

Then you laugh at you, too.

5.

Now we’re walking

Wicker Park witching hour

You call out hipsters

Reminds you Notting Hill

I listen to cars and chatter

And the color of your voice,

Like fizzy spits in mouth.

6.

Now,

Taxi cab.

That’s one Commonwealth

Commonality.

7.

Sleep is a distant dream.

8.

Sleep is a distant dream.

9.

Think we’re both tired now

But we are still laughing.

(We both know we've done a

Crazy thing.)

10.

Sleep.

11.

I close the door behind,

Only thinking –

It’s as if you were never even here.

Except for the things you left behind,

Crumpled up rug

Cologne in hair

And fizzy voice in my ear.

(It is still a smiling hour.)

Yes, it’s as if

You were never even here.

And oh, how that could be the only thing

I could take and keep from you

And place in my heart.

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6/30

Between the dark green hills.

Hantan riverbank hustler

Raw chicken leg plucking snail suckers

Grey mist and

Thousand-worn pebbles hard and cold.

Under the choke grey mist,

American grain dreamer

Young village boy watching father; screamer

Purple calves and

Circling mucus rings foam and froth.

At the mud brown table,

Buddhist relic raver

Miyeok guk bowls tasting salt flavor

Seven siblings and

Zero-word mother chill and far.

In the cramped bath house,

Apple pie bruise raising

Coca Cola jingle breeding hatred

Of bamboo slats and

Drooling tigers of mountain untamed and tall.

And what does he know about father?

And what does he know about nation?

He just hopes, maybe, he can be

Yankee

That, yes, there is a place

A Beautiful Country

Across the world waiting.

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5/30

Ham hock in a mess o’ greens and the reaping season. Trains like ghost loiterings and the fields of locust seizure. That’s when the dust will come. No one knows where those beggar men hail from. Bare feet on the dirt yard and Thy will be done. Behind him on that ‘Ssippi road shadows slow coming down like the flood of sin. Then - shoulder blades jutting up like Thunderbird fins. See gravel-stung cream Cadillacs and bird dogs panting in pickup beds. Looking anywhere but those filthy bum hands and darkness eyes housed in crazy heads.

And Cato said Carthage must be destroyed.

And so the Devil take the hindmost and let the righteous fill the void.

So Carthage must be destroyed.

Behind little boy Momma says you better come back.  Scared, he thinks - lone blue China plate and that pair of tight church shoes, barely black. But he tucks into a stairwell behind the frayed screen door, smelling cathead biscuits in the iron skillet of the upturned linoleum kitchen floor.  Still that rolly milk-fat baby of rural fame. Momma beckons beggar man and makes little boy wait. Thinking - Jesus, hunger, pride and keeping it all straight.

And Hannibal said we find a way or we make one.

And so we see the world wrong and the pride of men all undone.

So we find a way or we make one.

Momma fed beggar man off the porch because his kind can’t come in. Little boy sees preacher man sweat, smells taste of gin. Remembers a God of tongues and stones and salt and swine. Runs upstairs, grabs church shoes, says take them, they’re mine. Beggar man gone and Momma gone mad. No dinner and a whooping for being real bad. Knocked upside head hoping man, tomorrow I’ll be grown. Secret wish for Daddy but the traveling evangelist finds his roots in God alone.

And Momma’s saying foxes have dens and birds have nests

But the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.

And beggar man’s gone to keep up that hunt

Saying ain’t nothing goes up over the Devil’s back what don’t come up his front.

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4/30

We lost our growing season there.

Down a red-dirt road past the county line

My tree house in the small woods by my house

Parking lots well-past midnight.

We were untouched yet.

We talked God

Futures

Endless babble of

What ifs.

Then it happened.

Valentine’s Day,

Day of all days

They said

You were sleeping in the backseat.

What if

Seatbelts

What if

God

A What if

Future -

It was taken from you.

Each year passes

We are privileged to grow old

And you,

My forever young friend

Sweet skinny boy

Long socks and glasses

You are still

Just seventeen.

Those small town kids –

They got old, too.

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3/30

I’ve heard yellow like

You were a jaundice baby

Small canary

Pinched under purple light

Takes the yellow from feather

But it stayed on skin

Heard yellow like

Pages of white names

Thick as your waist

We sit on them at picnic tables

Yellow like

Butter like

Mustard on

Wonder Bread hot dogs

And pee-pee in your Coke

And little girls calling

Frying pan face

“Can’t be smart cause she smart,

She smart cause she

Asian”

We heard it at my second-grade

Spelling yellow bee

I won on America

Yellow

Like pencils

Mom made me keep sharp

That’s how you got good grades.

Heard yellow like

That Coldplay song

Country boy used to sing

Senior year

My teenage prom dress

Yellow like

Rose of Texas and

Red river beds and

Sun, yellow-like

His belly cause

He dumped me cause

His Daddy said,

“She ain’t white, son.”

Heard yellow like

Piss and whiskey on Church Street

College boy fever

He calls out

Lucy Liu

Fresh off boat

I stayed yellow like

Lemons pressed

Against teeth

I wanted yellow like

Slow down,

Like quarantine

Rise of bile

Like stop the cholera

But me, colorless

Daffodil heart and

Wasp nest wax moons

Hanging over me

Yellow like

Dropsy

Drops if I, traitor, if I,

Deny it.

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2/30

Be a nice girl.

Happy girl.

Laugh girl.

Smile when that light is on you girl.

Stupid grin sundress girl.

Say hi to mom and dad girl.

Wine, dine, goodbye girl.

Stay up nights waiting girl.

Let him blow you apart girl.

“She waste a good heart on cruel men” girl.

Give your body thinking he wants you, girl.

Always such a girl for you, girl.

Nothing but a girl to you, girl.

This is how you love a scoundrel, girl.

And I’m a

“If I could, I’d probably use me too” girl.

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1/30

Some nights

When I begin to feel your loss repeat,

I only miss your teeth.

I search for marks in mirrors, those

Half karat rubies

You pressed into my neck.

Now, after you, I

Finger ghost marks you left behind

Listen whispers of your gospel pillow-talk,

Remember you

Plumb that hot-tongued land grown cold.

Now, after you, I

Recite love spells you used to moan

Spy the green of your eyes in eyes shut tight to mine,

Remember you

Ruin my yearned-body and leave the heart alone.

Now, after you, I

Hate crave of gentle slaps you would surprise

Make new echoes of hip bone pops against stranger skin,

Remember you

Give me that easy-laughed girl and say goodbye.

Your teeth have gone,

Yet you stay with me

Some tiny, tenuous shadow.

Now, after you,

I.

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